Wintering with purpose: Lay the foundations of true self care in 2025

In the Westernised world we seem to go against our natural needs during the season of Winter. Where we want to retract inwards for rest and reflection, keep things simple and nourish ourselves with increased warmth in our surroundings and diet.

Instead, we end up rushing around with all the Christmas preparations and activities, and then need to find the motivation and energy to head straight back to work, school runs etc. Amongst this we're bombarded with messaging on the TV and social media, telling us what we should be doing to take care of ourselves. Pushing us to book a holiday, join a gym, eat more healthy, lose weight, set and get started on our goals.....blah, blah, blah!!

Energetic Mismatch

Many find this time of year overwhelming as it's an energetic mismatch, because we tend to follow all these external cultural pressures, despite feeling we've got zero energy left in us.

Then there's all the "New Year New Me" messaging adding more pressure, which is just aimed at getting us to spend our money to fuel consumerism. 

From a marketing perspective, the timing is great, as the adverts are aimed at addressing the pain points we feel at this time of year. As we've likely over indulged over Christmas, feel tired and stressed, and are fed up with the cold, dark and short days. 

• A great example of this is the Blue Monday message - there was no science behind the third Monday of January being the most depressing in a year. It was just a marketing campaign by Sky Travel back in 2005 who wanted to capitalise on the post-Christmas blues, which also happened to be a time of year when they had a drop in bookings.

From a human perspective, this is NOT the time of year to rush into buying things in order to feel better, or start new habits and set new goals. These manufactured needs from the marketing messages, just draw our attention away from our true individual needs at this time of year. Which is why so many new year resolutions fail and Winter is when people are more likely to notice the signs of burnout. 

Toxic Positivity

In fact this messaging is what I call toxic positivity, as it conveys the message that we shouldn't embrace the energy of how we feel during the ebbs in life such as Winter. That feeling low, being reflective about your life, resting more, staying in more, and spending time alone are all to be avoided.

As these ads and messages are pressure filled calls to action, with promises of transformation, to take us away from how we feel right now, and are wrapped in optimism beneath a subtext of inadequacy. Suggesting that we’re not enough as we are and how we feel now is wrong, and plays on our insecurities to motivate action. 

The true act of self care at this time of year, is to turn our attention towards ourself and what we as individuals intuitively need right now, regardless of these external messages. Recognising these are just designed to hook us into a manufactured cultural momentum of fresh starts due to it being the 1st of January.

What we really need during the Winter season is time to reconnect with ourselves and our authentic needs, which may require us to move through difficult emotions as we go through different stages of our life. This period of introspection often leads to clarity about what's not serving us, so we can birth new possibilities in Spring. 

So it's important to remind ourselves that Winter will soon pass and lighter days are coming, where we'll have increased energy to start new habits and take action towards goals.

Instead leaning into our need for rest and reflection, as this is an act of self kindness. As we trust that this will set us up for success as we move forwards into the new year.

Slow down to speed up

This is a time of year where nature retreats and is an important reminder that although Winter can feel never ending, it is a temporary season. Just like we experience challenges and changes in our life, where we can struggle to see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's in these darker times that we can learn so much about ourselves, and we would not appreciate the lighter times as much without this contrast. 

So my aim with this blog is to invite you to ignore the "New Year New Me" messaging. Instead embrace your energy and the energy of this season, so you can notice what your needs actually are, and develop or adapt your self care practice accordingly.

The saying that we need to slow down to speed up is so true and embraces the energy of Winter, because we all need times in our life to pause and reflect on where we are and where we're going.

Helping us to notice where we're not meeting our needs, what the barriers are to this and where our focus needs to be going forward. Helping us to create boundaries, stop habits that don't support us, and create the habits that will make the difference. Otherwise we just end up repeating patterns that keep us stuck in cycles that prevent us from experiencing the health, wellbeing and fulfilment we all deserve.

Wintering

A term made famous by Katherine May in her book of the same name. In which shares her story of how she learnt to lean into the power of rest and retreat, to care for her needs during challenging times in her life. Those times where we realise we're living in a state of survival, where we begin to notice how much we're struggling to keep functioning, or find meaning in our life, where everything feels like a bleak winter. 

The point of the book is that whilst the process that leads up to wintering is often involuntary, much like how we end up in burnout. As we suddenly notice it's upon us, as we reach our limit when we get to the point where we feel we can't take anymore. The process of wintering is a voluntary process - an intentional act whereby May describes it as creating "an open invitation to transition into a more sustainable life". One where we are committed to going into it consciously, to intentionally begin a practice of understanding ourselves better. 

"Winter is a time for reflection and recuperation, for slow replenishment, for putting your house in order" Katherine May

Honouring all our emotions

Wintering is about honouring and moving through the more challenging emotions we humans experience, such as sadness, shame, guilt, grief and depression. Recognising that these are just signs of unmet needs, whereby instead of self judgement, we need to look more objectively at what the lessons and learnings are. Reviewing patterns of behaviour that may need to change, any decisions which need to be made, or action that finally needs to be taken, instead of avoided. It's about using this period of emotional tension creatively, to cultivate a lifestyle that moves through any despair, which I speak about in a previous blog.

This process helps you to tap into your inner wisdom, as you pause to reflect, notice what arises and then apply the knowledge to better meet your needs going forward. The perspective shifts that arise from wintering, which lead you to make more conscious choices in your life will start to change your life in ways you didn't previously think were possible.

Wintering is a self care practice, which enables you to meet your needs, as May describes - self care is maintenance mode as we "do those deeply unfashionable things—slowing down, letting your spare time expand, getting enough sleep, resting". 

My first wintering

My first experience of wintering was when I reached burnout in 2018. I had somehow managed to push through to the April, after 4 months of working long hours on a restructure project at work, which involved working during my Christmas holiday break. At a time when I was supporting relatives due to a cancer diagnosis, and struggling with perimenopause symptoms. I was running on empty and knew I was struggling, but kept suppressing my emotions and needs. Telling myself that I needed to complete the restructure, support my relatives, deal with funeral preparations, etc. 

It wasn't until after I got home after my Uncle's funeral that I just couldn't suppress it all anymore, the grief was the last straw. An outpouring of heavy emotions overwhelmed me needing release and I involuntarily found myself wintering, as I finally gave myself permission to process all these emotions. There were lots of tears as I withdrew from everything to begin the long road to recovery from burnout.

However, the wisdom from this wintering experience led me to instil self care practices for the first time in my life and truly start meeting my needs. I used the self awareness to get more intentional with my life, as I gradually regained my sense of self and made decisions that were long overdue. This wisdom from wintering transformed my perspective which led to increased wellbeing and fulfilment.

It made me realise what self care is truly about, which is developing the self awareness and practices that respect and honour our needs as individuals, which must be adapted regularly throughout the different stages of our life. 

In recent years, I've come to see how this also needs to respect the impact of the cyclical nature of our environment with the changing seasons. It's about cultivating a lifestyle that embraces the ebbs and flows of life as a human on this planet. As we're not biologically or psychologically wired to be constantly "switched on" like robots, yet this is what the world expects us to!

Self care for example in Winter is about disconnecting from the external world in order to reconnect to our inner world, to honour our authentic needs. Enabling us to prepare for the next season of Spring where we create space to express the personal growth in ourselves, ready to maximise the energy of Summer. Before we begin to prepare for Autumn to enjoy the fruits of our labour and start to refine our lifestyle ready for Winter again.

Self-care as a practice, not a commodity

I see posts regularly that say "self care won't fix burnout" but this has been the opposite of my experience in recovering from burnout, and that of the women I have had the pleasure of coaching. As the self care this speaks about is the consumerist idea of self care, which frames self care as something external that can be bought. Rather than something that is deeply intrinsic and personal, which helps us to meet our authentic needs and evolve as individuals. 

Which is why I focus on self care so much in my work, to inspire more people to challenge their unconscious beliefs about what self care means, as this consumerist messaging and culture has led us to disconnect from ourselves.

Whilst spending money on products and services can form part of our self care practices, to support our self awareness journey and meet our wellbeing needs. We must ensure these are conscious choices that will meet our long term needs, rather than just putting a sticking plaster on what we really need, because it's what we think we should do/have. Which just perpetuates cycles of comparison and inadequacy, and wastes our money by being repeat customers. Keeping us from truly realising our personal growth and power, which is unleashed when we develop a strong foundation of meaningful self care practices.

Self care is not about indulgence but self respect and it requires small steps, especially if it's not something you've ever done before, and especially if you are noticing signs of burnout.

So I invite you to start building in a self care practice gradually with a simple practice as follows:

• Set aside 15 mins today for a cup of tea/coffee/drink of choice without distractions - put the mobile away on do not disturb, take yourself off to a room where you will not be disturbed and just focus on enjoying each sip. Maybe take a snack so you can mindfully savour each bite and the flavours in your mouth. With a focus on being fully present in your body and using breathing to savour this pause just for yourself. Noticing what comes up for you - if it's a racing mind of what you think you should be doing - just refocus on your breathing, enjoying the small sips of your drink and savouring your snack. Remind yourself that this is your time, it's just 15 mins and the world can wait! Enjoy this first step, which cam be done anywhere, as you give yourself permission to nurture your needs.

• Next, look at creating a cosy space in your home for rest and reflection - it doesn't have to be fancy, just a corner maybe where you can bring items that you love and are comforting. Like a blanket, a book, favourite flowers, an essential oil you love burning, a candle or low light, pictures, a note book, favourite chair etc. Have this as your go to place at least once a day to just be by yourself without interruption for 5 - 15 mins, a place of safety and comfort that respects your self care needs. 

• Then get a notebook to start journaling what's coming up - buy a lovely notebook that you will enjoy writing in, as you start to develop a practice of noticing what's arising for you in your quiet time. There are lots of journal prompts you can find online on different topics. One I love is by Elizabeth Gilbert, as she sees self care as a self love practice, whereby you focus on your heart and ask - What would you have me know today? Allow yourself to explore what's important to you and what you need to move through. You'll find the answers are all there, it's often that some of the choices we need to make can feel challenging, so fear leads to procrastination which is what's holding you back. If so, break it down and ask yourself what's the first small step you can take to move forward. 

• Finally, establish a morning and/or evening routine that builds on your self care practice - what could you do for example to get more intentional about the type of day you want to experience? Is there a word you can focus on to remind you of you intention throughout the day? Such as calm or focused. What would be something that helps you prepare better for a good nights sleep? For example: turn your mobile phone off 30 mins before bed and instead read or do a Yoga Nidra session. The main thing is to ensure the practice meets your needs, as these are just examples to get you thinking, I would encourage you to experiment to find what works best for you. 

Introducing a self care practice is about nurturing and embracing your whole authentic self. So, if the above doesn't resonate for you, as maybe you are creative person who loves to cook and experiment with new recipes, but haven't met this need for a long time as you're too busy. Your a self care practice could be to find a new recipe to cook once a week/every two weeks, mindfully enjoying the experience. Maybe, you're someone who has a need to be more active, but again have put off meeting this need. So your self care practice could be adding in a lunchtime walk, building up to a morning exercise routine, then booking onto an evening exercise class.

If you feel you are feeling on the verge of burnout, just pick one small step that feels doable for you such as 3 minutes of slow deep breathing or meditation, or the 15 min breaks and do these as often as you can. As your focus is to start allowing your nervous system to begin to calm down from being on high alert. Do seek support from someone you trust who can hold a safe space for you to process your emotions as you begin to recover, as this is also an act of self care. Focus on small ways to start protecting your time and energy such as the 15 min breaks, create a boundary around these to make them non negotiable "me time" as boundaries are self care in action, saying - my needs matter too! 

Final thoughts

As always I'm aways happy to answer any questions you may have and I would love you to share your take aways from this edition, or your self care practice ideas, as this may inspire someone else. If you're just getting started with developing a self care practice and follow the steps above, share how you get on - as again this may help others to start themselves.

♥ Be aware of your energy and the energy of this Winter season to ensure you meet your true needs.

♥ Be compassionate with yourself as you develop your unique self care practices.

♥ Be curious by trying new practices such as, Yoga Nidra, meditation, EFT etc.

♥ Be committed to yourself - you matter and your life matters.

Take care

Clare