The Hero's Journey
Let me share with you the connection between the menopausal transition and a hero's journey. As my aim is to help inspire more women to approach this natural stage of life from a new and more empowering perspective.
We all love watching films, reading books and hearing stories of how people overcome great adversities in their life, and go on to transform themselves and their life beyond their wildest dreams.
We emotionally connect with the main character - the protagonist, as we follow them through the stages of their hero's journey, because it ultimately represents the human experience of self discovery, growth and transformation.
The hero's journey reminds us that life isn't always fair, it's always changing, we can't control everything and we all have to face adversities in our life. However, it also reminds us that as humans we have a strong will to survive, are highly adaptive and are driven to grow and evolve. So, we watch with interest as the story unfolds, eager to see how the protagonist will overcome their personal challenges. Because maybe, just maybe, they will help us to gain some insights or inspire us to move forward with similar challenges, and sometimes they help us to feel that we're not alone with how we feel when facing life's challenges.
Answering the call
In the hero's journey the protagonist is called to face their challenges, which often feels like an existential crisis, as it rocks the very foundation of who they thought they were, their life as they know it and the meaning of their life.
The call brings a tension which seeks resolution, but at first they resist it due to fears, doubts and a desire to keep things the same, but it cannot be ignored as it's calling them to live their purpose. So, it marks the beginning of a period of initiation, the protagonist starts to feel anxious, as to answer the call will require them to cross over into unknown territory, so they start to seek out knowledge and meet mentors as they prepare to navigate the way forward.
It's a process they have to go through, and as their story unfolds we see their sense of self begin to shift as they awaken to their purpose.
The protagonist comes to terms with the fact that to overcome their challenge they need to develop courage through action, so they start to become the leader of their life, following their unique passion and developing their unique gifts. This is where they need to practice expressing their whole self, which is a new way of being, so requires a period of trial and error until they are ready to face their challenge.
This journey of self discovery will include some low points and they need to be careful not to get lost in a valley of despair, because whilst navigating the unchartered territory they need to release old ways of being, people and situations.
This is necessary to open their awareness to new possibilities that will align them with their purpose, making new choices with increased clarity.
The challenge is overcome when the protagonist finally stands in their own power by living their purpose and the reward is a wonderful sense of inner peace and freedom. Life has meaning again as they have returned home to their true self, the internal coherence of living their purpose shows them how they make a difference in the world. Their story now becomes a guide to help others see what's possible for them to face similar challenges on their own hero's journey.
An awakening
We witness the protagonist's transformation in a hero's journey through a series of awakening moments, these are when they suddenly become aware of something that was not obvious to them before, and it expands and intensifies their awareness as a result.
These 'a-ha' moments as I call them, are powerful and necessary, because it's in these moments that the protagonist realises there's no going back, that their life will forever be changed as a result of a new perspective. This is the psychological shift that the protagonist needs to go through, so they can realise their full potential to overcome their challenge.
As the protagonist awakens to who they truly are and their needs, they gather knowledge, a mentor and companions to support their journey of personal transformation. This helps them to maintain momentum, especially through moments of self doubt when they can fall back a few steps, can get distracted or stuck in a valley of despair. With their mentor and companions encouraging them to keep moving forward and refocusing on what's important to help lift them up and overcome their challenge.
The perimenopause - a call to growth
Based on my experience and that of many other women I've either spoken to or read their stories, the perimenopause is a the call to growth that requires a psychological and spiritual shift just like the protagonist in a hero's journey.
You are being called to transition from who you've needed to be, to become who you truly are and that it's time to start meeting your needs.
There's an inner conflict and tension arising and it's calling you to make changes, but you don't know where to start, you doubt your capabilities, and worry about the consequences of creating changes in your life.
You start to question who you are and what you want from you life, feeling that this should be the best time in your life, and that you know you're meant for more.
You notice how much you're rushing around to be everything to everyone else, and how this is leaving you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed as you struggle to get through each day and week, and some of the plates your spinning are starting to seriously wobble.
You're becoming less tolerant and more irritable with others, it's like a veil has lifted and you detect bullshit from a mile away! You have no time to play games and increasingly crave time alone.
Brené Brown describes this so well in her blog The Midlife Unravelling where she states:
"Midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around.
All of this pretending and performing—these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt—has to go. Your armour is preventing you from growing into your gifts.
I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armour could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think.
You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart.
It’s time to show up and be seen."
An initiation
Perimenopause is an initiation for making the most of this next stage of your life, as contrary to the stigmas around women and ageing with the menopause, your post menopausal years will make up around *40% of your life!
* This is an approximate calculation based on the average life expectancy of a woman in the UK being around 84 and the UK average age of menopause being 51.
It's preparation for the menopause, which is a rite of passage just like puberty. In fact, it's like a second puberty with the biological and psychological changes that take place.
You are being called to embark on the three stages of your hero's journey, and your challenge, is to show up and be seen for who you truly are - to live your purpose. To start meeting your needs to support your wellbeing and develop your unique gifts and inner wisdom to make a difference in a way that only you can.
Phase 1 - Separation
This is when you experience a deep inner desire that calls you to leave the familiar, which makes you feel uneasy as you question everything, your sense of self, some of the choices you've made and your sense of freedom to be who you truly are. So you initially want to resist the call for change.
The mental conflict that occurs through the resistance is like an existential crisis, as it rocks the foundation of who think you are, how you live your life and the meaning of life. Leaving you feeling vulnerable, confused and overwhelmed, and this mental distress triggers a stress response in your brain and body, which is why many women around perimenopause age start to experience anxiety and depression.
A sense of loneliness can also be experienced as you feel misunderstood and you'll crave time alone, which is why many women feel called to travel in an effort to find themselves. Plus, due to the impact of stress hormones on your mind and body, it's common to struggle to find the motivation or the energy to be fully functional.
However, near the end of this stage you are being called to lean into finding the courage within to follow the breadcrumbs of your intuitive nudges. During this time you may find yourself drawn to connect with groups of other likeminded women, your companions for the journey. You may also find yourself wanting to spend more time in nature to get away from everything and support your wellbeing needs more.
Phase 2 - Transition
This is when you cross the threshold to start navigating your way through unchartered territory, you start to lean into space to rest, and seek out knowledge and support to allow you to reflect on how to move forward.
This is the period of self discovery, where you need to uncover who you are beyond your roles, and who you are not, because everyone learns ways of being in order to fit in, be safe and accepted as they grow up. However, this separates us from who we truly are which means we get distracted and don't meet our unique needs, until we reach a point in our life where we are tested with adversity or a rite of passage, and we are called to be our true self in order to overcome the adversity and evolve for the next stage of life.
This phase also requires you to understand with more clarity what truly matters to you, so you develop a more authentic connection with yourself, others and the world. As you experience awakening moments these allow you to see yourself, others and the world through a new perspective, opening yourself up to possibilities that will inspire new meaning and purpose as you move forward.
Then comes the testing as you begin to express your whole authentic self, which means leaning into the courage to confront any fears to begin developing your confidence, as you come back home to yourself and your inner power. Learning and developing knowledge of how to be fully present as your whole self in your different roles and environments, encountering and overcoming any resistance.
At the end of this phase of personal transformation you have overcome your adversities and are ready to integrate all your lessons from your trials into your vision for your life in the next phase.
Phase 3 - Return
In this final phase you're now integrating all the wisdom from your transition as you return to yourself to embed new ways of being, and are creating an authentically fulfilling life that meets your unique needs for a true sense of self, purpose and wellbeing.
You're open and ready to receive the wonderful possibilities that now arise from your new point of attraction as your authentic self and these reinforce the personal growth that has taken place.
There's an intentionality to how you live your life due to your inner clarity and you start to develop your own rhythm as you surrender to your vision through alignment with your own internal guidance system. As Abraham Hicks would say "you're tuned in, tapped in and turned on!"
Redefining the menopause
The hero's journeys of self discovery covers the psychological and spiritual aspect of a woman's transition towards menopause, which I feel is a key missing piece of the movement to increase menopause awareness.
This is because the menopause has been pathologised, the word menopause was coined by a French doctor in 1821, because whilst doctors were talking and writing about the end of menstruation in women earlier than this, there was no specific medical term to describe it.
The word perimenopause then came about around 1931, again as a medical term to describe the physiological changes a woman goes through in her natural transition towards the menopause, and more recently this is now being referred to as the menopausal transition.
So, these terms that we are all familiar with were created by doctors, which were mainly men as they wanted to understand more about what was happening to a woman's physiology as they approached the menopause. This explains why there's such a heavy emphasis on symptoms and symptom management.
Shockingly despite the creation of these medical terms dating back to 1921, a Freedom of Information request was made to UK Medical Schools in 2021 and found that 41% did not have any mandatory medical training in their curriculum!
By taking a pathogenic approach to the menopause, this by definition characterises and labels it as a disease, something abnormal that requires intervention, when there is nothing abnormal about this natural stage of a woman's life.
How does taking this approach empower women to prepare for and navigate a natural stage in their life? As the implication is that the menopause is:
a condition that needs to be diagnosed and treated;
it's something to dread with all the potential horrendous symptoms; and
it needs to be externally fixed.
It's no wonder that so many women throughout history have felt a sense of shame and that there's something wrong with them during their menopausal transition. In fact, the history of how women have been treated during this stage of their life is heart breaking.
So, how do we redefine the menopause to empower women in the 21st Century?
A salutogenic approach
I believe we need to take a salutogenic approach to redefining the menopause, which places an emphasis on factors that create and maintain wellbeing in a women during this stage of their life. It's a proactive and holistic approach that shows women how they can take responsibility for their mental and physical health as they approach the biological changes occurring during menopausal transition.
It's the opposite of the pathogenic approach which focuses on causation of disease in the physical body, which is reactive as you already have symptoms, and then require someone or something external to minimise or cure these.
By taking a salutogenic approach women are educated in advance about what will happen holistically to their body, mind and spirit as they age, enabling them to create an holistic plan for their menopausal transition.
Whilst the hormonal changes of the menopause transition can create symptoms as our mind and body adjusts, it's important for women to know that not every woman experiences symptoms. Also that many of the symptoms being associated with the menopausal transition are often unrelated. Instead our mind, body and spirit is signalling to us that we need to make changes within ourselves, our external environment and our lifestyle, such as; stress from not meeting our needs, being in a toxic environment or relationship, poor nutrition, lack of sleep, dehydration etc.
With effective support and guidance woman can develop self awareness in terms of who they are and what their individual needs are, to support themselves through the different stages of life such as the menopause. This approach is a far more empowering perspective and will enable women to have a smoother menopause journey.
The menopause is a developmental life stage
From the moment we're born to the moment we die change is a constant in our human experience, and we are programmed by nature to adapt, grow and evolve as we transition through these changes.
Part of these changes is the developmental stages of our human life cycle.
For example, both men and women will go through the life stage of middle adulthood and experience hormonal changes, which will affect them differently biologically, psychologically and spiritually. Whilst no two women and no two men will experience this life stage the same way as we are all unique, there are core themes in each stage which connect us to our shared humanity, just like the character in a hero's journey.
If we take a more proactive approach to embracing these natural changes at each stage of our life through a self development approach, we empower ourselves to navigate our life more consciously to fulfil our potential and maintain our wellbeing.
The transition towards menopause is a period of personal transformation and it's normal to feel like you've lost your sense of self and purpose amongst the internal biological and psychological shifts taking place. When you lean into this natural stage of life you embrace instead of deny the natural ageing process, you seize this as an opportunity to create a lifestyle that's tailored to who you are and your unique physical, mental and spiritual needs going forward. The transition calls you to start honouring your inner wisdom, to start noticing and interpreting when you are out of alignment with your mind, body and spirit.
Remember you are the protagonist in your life story, so instead of wondering "why is this happening to me" which leads you to resist this natural stage of your life. Answer the call because this is happening for you, to help you grow and evolve to initiate you into your next stage of life. Any symptoms and inner conflict you experience is just signalling areas where you need to make changes to realise your true potential and maintain your wellbeing by living your purpose.
Support for your menopause journey
For more guidance and support for your menopause journey subscribe to my newsletter and follow my blogs, where I expand on this core message as you seek the knowledge and inspiration to answer the call to self discovery, growth and personal transformation.
As a Menopause Coach & Guide who has already navigated my way through an early menopause transition, I'm now passionate about using my journey and knowledge to help prepare and guide other women to have a more empowering experience.
I provide one to one coaching and online training to help women answer the call and navigate their way through the unchartered territory of their menopausal transition. To find about these I offer a free discovery call, which you can book here.
In the meantime, I hope this blog inspires you to reimagine the menopause, and embrace your transition from a more holistic perspective, so it becomes an empowering journey.